Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
