there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
