so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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