CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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