Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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