and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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