I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he thought i was a dude.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
