Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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