she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
