If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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