She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
