I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize