I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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