is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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