I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
