I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
