I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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