I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
