I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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