Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
