Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
