I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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