wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
