Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
