I met the friendliest cop last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
