my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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