I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im holly from the hills drunk
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
