I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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