I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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