Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
