So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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