you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
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Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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