We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
