so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
