If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
