im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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