Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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