okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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