found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
