someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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