how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
