Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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