Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
