Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
