I'm jealous of your bromance
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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