Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
