mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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