I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
