Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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