Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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