I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
