We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
