I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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