When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
