I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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