i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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