Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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