Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
