we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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