Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
