i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
