Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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