at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
