My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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