No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We need to get me chipped asap
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
