omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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