she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
