Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
