Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
