She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
