I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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